Looking at the news, we seem to be facing one crisis after another(!) Interestingly, there is one particular ‘crisis’ that seems to be getting lost amongst all the others, – and in my humble opinion solving it could be a long-term key to solving some of the others – we’re actually facing a parenting crisis, a crisis of increasingly insecure, overwhelmed, and angst-ridden parents, resulting in more and more anxious children who lack the resilience to thrive.
The problem? Noise. Noise from online forums, podcasts, social media, well-meaning friends and family, and expert books (86,000 parenting books at last count – admittedly I am responsible for a few of them). Never before have parents been inundated with so much (often contradictory) advice, information and judgment. It leaves them lacking in clarity, confidence and ultimately, connection with their children.
The worst part? This noise prevents parents from tuning into the most powerful parenting tool to exist. It’s been in the making since birth – a bespoke, invaluable source of guidance that connects deeply to personal values and equips parents to deal with any given situation, and when needing advice, to know which advice to take.
You may know it as intuition, or ‘intuitive wisdom’.
Tuning into our intuitive wisdom and paying attention to that inner ‘voice’, and what feels right, is not something that is encouraged by our society or indeed deemed compatible with our need for evidence-based information. Combine this with other factors (such as the loss of the ‘village’ – i.e. less and less of us have extended family support nearby), and we lose confidence in our own innate ‘knowing’, relying instead on Google and other external sources, which only increase our anxiety and lack of self-confidence. It can be a wicked cycle, but also one that can be interrupted.
Having coached and counselled parents for decades, I am happy to report that it is not only possible but really quite simple to activate and strengthen the capacity to ‘tune in’ to our intuitive abilities -both as parents and in life generally. It is an ability we all have but that we invariably have not been raised to use, so we all need to ‘relearn’ it. When we do, and we apply it and so learn to trust our intuition, it positively impacts our self-confidence, our children and their mental health, and our relationship with them, as well as being a huge stress-reducer for us! Witnessing the positive impact this can have on parents and their children (and their relationships) over the years, I have become so passionate about it I have now created an online course ‘Tuned-In Parenting’ to make the simple steps accessible to all. It’s especially designed for busy parents, so if that’s you, do take a look.
But regardless of whether you explore my course or go on googling or reading what no doubt are valuable books, there are some practical steps you can take right now to help you tune into your intuitive parenting strengths, starting with tuning into (and removing) what gets in the way! Most frequently, what gets in the way is not only (you may have guessed) stress, but the ‘low grade’ kind that we often aren’t even aware of!
Try one or all of these:
- Identify times during the day when you are ‘en-route’ between activities: For example, in the car at traffic lights, on public transport, on an escalator, walking to a meeting, etc. At that moment, take your attention into your body and ask yourself how you’re feeling? If you find any tension, exhale and consciously let it go.
- Consciously tune in to yourself every morning, as soon as you wake up. Take a few slow, deep breaths and recall the love and appreciation you have for your child – allowing yourself to feel it,in your chest and body.
- Throughout your day, reconnect with that morning appreciation feeling. It will help you connect to yourself and your centre.
- Screens are insidious interrupters of intuition and connection with your child. Eliminate screens and devices from times when you’re interacting –at mealtimes especially, but also when you’re playing or reading to her, when picking him up from child-care or school, etc. Give her your full presence and attention, eye to eye.
- When you need to make a parenting choice or decision, check in with yourself: what are you feeling? Imagine one choice: does it feel right? Do you have any tension in your body? Imagine the other choice: how does that feel? In your body? Listen to your internal voice and to your body. The more you do this and then act on your insight, the more often you’ll see evidence that your intuition was right and the more confident you will become in it.
Through close to three decades of working with parents and children around the world, as well as through my own parenting experience, I have found unequivocally that the more you as a parent learn to listen to and apply your own intuition to your parenting, the better it is for your child, for you and for your relationship – even into their adulthood! You can read more about my course at Tuned-In Parent.com
A special offer for Calmer Clinics parents: 20% off the course price, with the code EARLYPARENT at checkout. (expires on March 31st 2023)
(Visit my website at www.AppliedEmotionalMastery.com)
Calmer Clinics 